Letters to my son...

Dear Son,

The time of dependence is quickly coming to an end. The time when you will begin to walk on your own will arrive very soon. As a parent, we long for the day when our baby takes his first step. Well, there are more "first steps" in life than just when you're learning to walk as a toddler.

There is the first step when you go off to kindergarten. There is the first step when you become a teenager. There is a first step when you learn to drive. There is a first step when you begin to date.

You are approaching your first step of graduation...of life after high school. Of life possibly away from home for the first time.

For me, in my life, this is a first step......letting you go. Am I scared? A little. Do I want it to happen....of course. Will I always "feel good and happy"...probably not. Will I worry...probably so. Will I be able to do it...not alone. Only with God's help. And He will help me. This is the time I have to trust Him most. I have to trust you with Him. I will no longer parent you in the same way. I will always be here for you...I will always love you no matter what. There is not anything you could ever do to change that, but my role for you will be different. I will have to let go....from the inside. It will be a little like dying. A good kind of dying for it will be allowing you to live...to live to your fullest potential...with "me" and my flesh out of the way.

I only pray and will always pray that God will be an ever-present force in your life. I pray and hope that if I have given you anything, if we have given you anything, it is the sure knowledge that God is always with you. He always loves you and He sent His son Jesus to die for you, that you might have eternal life. Never forget that. Never forget Him. For whatever you are, wherever you go...we will always be connected, as a parent to a child and as believer to believer. You are my firstborn. You have received a precious inheritance. Do not squander it.

Remember, with freedom comes responsibility. Your freedom is near...handle it with care.

I love you,
As always,
Mom

As Time Goes By

I sit here in the quiet of home. Sunshine outside, the dog laying at my feet, all is quiet and still. I listen for You. I sit here knowing Your presence is all around me. I wait on you. Trying to empty my mind of thoughts about the day. Things I need to do. Things I want to do. Things I have to do. I am so in awe of this life of mine. What I have been so blessed with. And how I see Your hand and heart on my life through all these years. How you have shaped me, formed me and guided me and loved me and comforted me and strengthened me and empowered me by your Holy Spirit. Taught me and given gifts to me that I would maybe have never unwrapped on my own. The awe and wonder of You. The transformations in the twinkling of an eye. Our lives go by so swiftly. It's not hard to remember feeling young. Remembering the past, seeing now how quickly it all goes. And the future here on earth, unknown, with the promise of a future with You. But then, You have been here all along. I long to see You face to face, without the limitations of this mortal body. We get a glimpse now and so many things are shadowed. But then it will all be clear.

I don't want to race through each day wondering at the end where all the time went, now that I see how quickly it has all raced by. It's like we set our eyes on some future event and before we realize it, it has come and gone. So quickly. And what did we do with all that waiting time? Did we wait on You? Where was our focus? What did we set our eyes on? The result? Did we truly enjoy the time to get there or just fret it away with silly duties and details.

I am missing my babies right now. Where did all that time go? Just yesterday they were in my arms and now they are grown and on their own. At the end, I don't want to regret one single moment. So keep me in the present. Remember the past but don't dwell on it. Think of the future but don't worry about it. Live in the now, see what's right in front of me and take each hour, each day at a time. Help me be ready for what You want to show me.